Archive for August 13th, 2012|Daily archive page

Whisky Writes

it s been agesWhisky Portrait
since master gave me
any of what used to be
my favourite snack
hose pipe connectors
however
now he has bought me
a whole tub of something
even more delicious
i found it by
the washing machine

Basket of clothespegs

hose pipe connectors are green
which i think means they re
frog flavoured
not that they taste like
real frog to me
probably made with
artifical frog flavouring
essence de grenouille

these new snacks come
in all sorts of flavours
here are some i chewed earlier

Whisky-chewed clothes pegs

irresistibly good

***

a few days ago
master had opened the door
slightly to let me go out
something distracted me
and i turned my head
and hit my head hard
on the metal shoe cabinet
by the door
master wasn t sympathetic
he said i should be more careful
to preserve
what little brains i have
anyway
it made a loud bang
at the time
one of master s friends
was peeing in the downstairs toilet
he was startled
and peed all over his leg
i thought that was very funny
because i often do that
you see
it s very difficult
to pee straight
when you re standing on three legs
with one leg cocked in the air
to be honest
i have absolutely no idea
how master manages to pee
without spraying everywhere
standing on just two legs

whisky


[625]

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Accidents Will Happen

[Uzi submachine gun]According to the newspapers this morning, a Thai senator has “accidentally” killed his secretary. It seems that the two of them were having dinner in a restaurant. Whilst they were waiting for food the senator’s 9 mm Uzi submachine gun capable of firing 600 rounds per minute “accidentally” went off, shooting his secretary in the stomach. She died shortly afterwards.

What sort of person takes a loaded submachine gun to a restaurant? For that matter, what sort of private individual even owns a submachine gun?

Fortunately for the senator, he has parliamentary privilege, so won’t be arrested for his “accident”.

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